Self-Protection 101: Holding Your Cool Whereas You Battle

Dan Weissmann

Navigating the U.S. well being care system can really feel like a “battle royale.” From difficult unfair medical payments to wrestling with insurance coverage corporations over pre-authorizations, sufferers need to be prepared to stay up for themselves. 

So, how will you keep cool and assured in these fights? On this rebroadcast of “An Arm and a Leg” from 2020, host Dan Weissmann hits up self-defense coach Lauren Taylor about methods for standing up for your self and hears how she utilized her method in her personal struggle for well being care protection.

Dan Weissmann

@danweissmann

Host and producer of “An Arm and a Leg.” Beforehand, Dan was a workers reporter for Market and Chicago’s WBEZ. His work additionally seems on All Issues Thought of, Market, the BBC, 99 P.c Invisible, and Reveal, from the Heart for Investigative Reporting.

Credit

Emily Pisacreta
Producer

Adam Raymonda
Audio Wizard

Ellen Weiss
Editor

Marian Wang
Editor

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Transcript: Self-Protection 101: Holding Your Cool Whereas You Battle

Be aware: “An Arm and a Leg” makes use of speech-recognition software program to generate transcripts, which can comprise errors. Please use the transcript as a device however examine the corresponding audio earlier than quoting the podcast.

Dan: Hey there – Earlier than we begin, I simply need to say THANK YOU for supporting our work right here. Due to you, we beat all of our targets for the top of 2023. 

Which means we collected each greenback of matching funds that had been on provide — and since so many of us turned donors for the primary time, we earned a bonus from the Institute for Nonprofit Information. 

So we’re beginning this 12 months in fine condition, which is nice, as a result of we’ve bought some massive tasks deliberate. 

Thanks a lot.

Now, in much less pleasant information, I’m preventing somewhat bit with my insurance coverage firm proper now. Or … is it the hospital billing workplace I’m preventing with? Every one retains sending me again to the opposite. It’s … a superb time.

There’s a First Help Equipment publication in all this, however for now I’m struggling to seek out the hours for all of the cellphone calls, and to maintain my composure. 

On that final be aware– protecting my composure —  this looks like a superb time to convey again what would be the most helpful episode we’ve ever performed, from late 2020.

You prepared? Right here we go.

I bought a voicemail from a listener named Amanda Jaffe. She’s been listening to our episodes about of us who struggle again towards insurance coverage corporations and outrageous payments. And she or he says she’s form of a bulldog herself on these things. BUT she says there’s a snag. Perhaps you may relate — I positively can.

Amanda Jaffe: After I name the insurance coverage corporations, I begin to get indignant to some extent the place perhaps it’s unproductive. So I want some steerage on how one can stay cool when calling insurance coverage corporations. Thanks. I’d actually need the assistance.

Dan: YES. I’ve been enthusiastic about this for months and months. We’ve been listening to from individuals who struggle and struggle, and typically win, and a few issues preserve getting clearer:  

ONE: You’re in all probability gonna spend a LOT of time on the cellphone, loads of it on maintain, and loads of it with individuals who, for one cause or one other, will not be gonna appear that useful. 

And TWO, I preserve listening to time and again:  You’ve gotta preserve your cool. OK, certain.

However I preserve questioning time and again: OK, HOW?

And at the moment, I feel I’ve bought precisely the particular person I’ve been on the lookout for.

Lauren Taylor: My identify is Lauren Taylor. I run Defend Your self in Washington, DC, and we train folks abilities for stopping harassment, abuse, and assault.

Dan: So for like a YEAR I’ve been describing this present as being targeted on self-defense towards the price of well being care. And Lauren is an precise self-defense trainer. Has been one for thirty-five years.

And it seems self-defense — the way in which Lauren and her colleagues train it —  is NOT simply the hitting and the kicking. It’s defending your self towards every kind of … encroachment. Avenue harassment. Creepy co-workers. Simply standing up for your self. You would possibly’ve seen, Lauren stated her group teaches folks abilities for stopping harassment, abuse, and assault. 

And abuse …  I’m unsure that’s too sturdy a phrase for a way the health-care industrial complicated treats folks. 

So, Lauren herself is simply wrapping up an EPIC struggle together with her medical health insurance.  And she or he has been utilizing self-defense abilities all alongside the way in which. I’m not going into all the main points. 

Lauren Taylor: There’s been so many issues. I actually can’t keep in mind all of them. 

Dan: However we talked via them– as a result of she’s bought ’em written down.

Lauren Taylor: That is additionally a self-defense factor, which is doc, proper?

Identical to you’ll with a stalker or a office harasser or, uh, even uh, An abusive associate, is doc every part as a result of, you would possibly want it 

Dan: You train this within the class.

Lauren Taylor: Oh yeah.

Dan: I stroll in, assume I’m gonna discover ways to want anyone within the nuts. And also you’re like, “get a pocket book.” I’m like, wow.

Lauren Taylor: Folks, folks do stroll in pondering they’re going to discover ways to, , knee somebody within the groin, and we do train that. however I can’t inform you how typically in evaluations folks  inform us that they had been utterly blown away by all the opposite stuff that they study, which is de facto about empowerment.

Dan: Sure. Sure, please. Let’s have a few of that. 

That is An Arm and a Leg — a present about the price of well being care. I’m Dan Weissmann. I’m a reporter, and I like a problem. So my job right here is to take some of the enraging, terrifying, miserable points in American life– and YES, there’s a bunch of these, however I’m sticking with this one– and produce a present that’s entertaining, empowering, and helpful.

And right here we’re.    

Right here’s Lauren’s deal: It begins the early Eighties, 

Lauren Taylor: I had saved up cash and I used to be gonna take a while and journey on my own. And a buddy of mine advised me a few self-defense class that she had taken. And I believed, “Oh, that’s a extremely good thought. I ought to in all probability try this if I’m going to journey on my own.”   

Dan: She says it modified her life. Like, as a youngster, she’d handled a LOT of avenue harassment. She figured, man, that’s simply the way it goes.

Lauren Taylor: And I had at all times thought that if anyone tried to rape me, there can be nothing I might do as a result of by definition they’d be larger and stronger than me. 

And the true life-changing piece of the self-defense class was realizing that that was unsuitable. It was realizing that I had energy and that I might damage anyone who was attempting to harm me. 

Dan: How did that really feel?   

Lauren Taylor: It’s, it’s completely life altering. I imply, even now,  like, simply inform it to you. I nonetheless really feel like a rush of power via my physique saying it.

Dan: It’s thrilling. It’s like, holy shit! I’m not helpless

Lauren Taylor: Yeah. I can shield myself. Yeah. And I’ve energy and, and . A giant piece of it is also I’ve permission to do that and I need to be protected.I deserve to have the ability to defend myself. 

And all of these will not be messages that, , most of us get rising up nonetheless. And positively not after I was rising up. So, it’s form of like, caught the fever after which wished to unfold the gospel of self-defense. 

Dan: So, she’s been instructing self-defense since 1985.

I requested her: So, how did it change your life– past the truth that you began instructing it? Like, what did you do otherwise?

She says for starters, she did take that journey, and there was an evening or two that didn’t go in response to plan: Her place to crash fell via, she was out late, misplaced, somewhat scared. And she or he took out a pen, so in case she wanted to harm anyone, she’d have a pen to harm them with. She did NOT have to make use of it, however having a plan helped her preserve cool.

However that wasn’t the large stuff. The large stuff was standing up for herself in different methods. Like when her boss in a full-time volunteer gig began sexually harassing her.  

Lauren Taylor: Whereas earlier than I’d have preferred, , suffered and wrung my fingers and journaled about it and referred to as 12 buddies and, thought perhaps there was one thing unsuitable with me  and , all of these issues I didn’t do, I used to be similar to, Actually no, don’t do that.

Dan: After which what occurred?

Lauren Taylor: Ge just about minimize it out. 

Dan: YEAH. After which there was her mother. Who did NOT deal properly with Lauren being homosexual. It was painful. After which there was the ultimate straw:  

Lauren Taylor: We had a big household reunion and She didn’t invite my associate and he or she invited my siblings companions.

Jesus, ouch. They’d had loads of conversations. Now Lauren set a tough boundary. She put it in writing to her mother: 

Lauren Taylor: There are some staple items I want from you, or I’m not going to have the ability to keep in touch with you. Proper. So, if there’s a household occasion, My associate will get invited , that’s self-defense 

Dan: That first self-defense class Lauren took had not lined Dealing With Troublesome Household Members, however Lauren says she’d gotten the message:

Lauren Taylor: It was okay. to require sure sorts of respect from folks.  it was okay to be who I used to be, that wasn’t my fault that folks handled me as lower than all of that form of stuff.

Dan: And by the way in which, Lauren says the courses she leads now,  they DO cowl all that form of stuff.

In different phrases, self-defense covers a LOT of territory. The large thought: In the event you’re in a troublesome spot, you need some choices. 

Lauren says she provides college students a five-part framework– 5 sorts of choices. 

They’re:  Run, yell, hit, inform, and go alongside. 

And so they’re not all literal. Like, RUN is …

Lauren Taylor: Go away stroll away. Don’t present up for the appointment, break up with the particular person, something that makes you not there. 

Dan: And she or he says by YELL, she means: Use your voice.

Lauren Taylor: Assertiveness or deescalation or negotiation, or, , that’s not okay with me or don’t come any nearer or, , I gained’t come to household occasions when you don’t invite my associate. Proper.

Dan: “Yell” covers loads of territory there.

Lauren Taylor: Every little thing along with your phrases just about. 

Dan: Every little thing with phrases you employ with the opposite particular person. As a result of there’s additionally TELL. Which she says imply — additionally actually broadly — get assist.

Lauren Taylor: It may be getting assist in the second. uh, this particular person is bothering me. Can I stand with you? After which there’s, longer-term getting assist going to HR, going to a hotline, , speaking to a lawyer, 

Dan: Posting to social media.

Lauren Taylor: Posting it. Proper. precisely. 

Dan: Hit is — properly, it’s really hitting. They observe that too.

After which there’s the final one: Go alongside. 

Lauren Taylor: We would like folks to know that that’s an choice, proper? We’re not saying. At all times resist. We’re saying resistance is profitable far more than you’ve been advised and far more than you consider. 

However there are occasions when, going alongside, is the neatest and most secure factor so that you can do. And for instance, if somebody’s attempting to take your property, proper, if it’s a mugging, And also you need to get out of there, unhurt, the neatest and most secure factor to do is to present them your property. 

Dan: Yeah. I feel you may in all probability see the broad outlines of how this might apply to wrangling along with your insurance coverage firm or preventing unfair medical payments. I imply, discuss a mugging.  

It positively jogs my memory of one thing I stated after we began this self-defense sequence:  We’re not gonna win ’em all. We simply don’t need to lose all of them both. 

So, that’s Lauren’s framework.

Subsequent: Let’s study some SPECIFIC strategies and the way we will begin making use of them. That’s proper after this.

This episode of An Arm and a Leg is produced in partnership with KFF Well being Information. That’s a non-profit newsroom overlaying well being care in America. Their work is terrific, wins every kind of awards yearly. I’m so proud to work with them.

OK. The right way to really USE self-defense strategies with medical payments and insurance coverage BS.

We’ll begin with an instance from Lauren’s epic health-insurance struggle this 12 months. We’re not gonna get into the story– it’s too lengthy, too bizarre, and it’s not even actually over. BUT we’ll zoom in on a second when Lauren’s on the cellphone and the opposite particular person opens by throwing up a roadblock, saying, YOU in all probability did one thing unsuitable.   

I’m like, Argh, I’m already indignant. What do you do now? And Lauren’s like, “I stayed on my agenda.” 

STAYING ON YOUR AGENDA. This can be a complete self-defense factor. Lauren walks me via it: 

Lauren Taylor: Right here’s the method. Okay. One thing’s occurring. You recognize, like anyone is harassing you on the road or no matter …

Dan: Otherwise you’re calling your insurance coverage, and the opposite particular person is being REALLY unhelpful.

She says you ask your self three questions, on this order: First, how am I feeling? It’s in all probability not nice. 

Lauren Taylor: I’m terrified. I’m indignant, I’m upset. I need to cry. I really feel humiliated. 

Dan: Good occasions. That’s the primary query: How am I feeling?   

Second: What do I want? Which is extra big-picture: Have to get a protected distance, want respect.  

Third, what do I WANT? That is extra particular– what would you like from the opposite particular person:  

Lauren Taylor: I need you to take your fingers off me. I need you to take three steps again. I need you to knock earlier than you are available my workplace. I need you to cease making racist jokes. no matter it’s, you flip it into what I need you to condemn, and that’s your agenda. What you need to occur is your agenda.

So. Then after they do no matter people who find themselves misusing energy do, which is commonly. Guilt journey you or attempting to govern you or blame you want, properly, why   had been you there? Why had been you sporting that? Why did you get drunk? Um, it’s only a joke. Um, why wouldn’t have stated it, when you hadn’t blah, blah, blah, or why you being such a bitch?

Um, , all of these issues are to get you into their net of dialog and off of your agenda and also you keep in your agenda. So if I say to you,  don’t ask me about my private life whereas we’re at work. And also you’re like, Oh Lauren, you’re so delicate. 

Dan: Yeah, I’m altering the topic. All of a sudden, we’re not speaking about what you need. We’re speaking about my notion of you. And you might have a reasonably sturdy impulse to handle that– Like, “Oh, geez, am I?” Or, “I AM NOT”  

Lauren Taylor: However as an alternative I’m simply going to say once more, “Pay attention, Dan, I requested you. I solely need to discuss work at work. And I actually don’t like answering private questions at work. So please cease asking me.” That’s staying in your agenda.

Dan: And so how did that occur in these cellphone calls?

Lauren Taylor: I simply stored saying what I wanted or. I’d preserve saying  so what’s the subsequent step? What can we do from right here? 

So for example, Lauren performed out an extended, lengthy set of calls together with her medical health insurance firm AND the state workplace that administers the Obamacare trade in Maryland, the place she lives. 

Each time they hit an deadlock, she requested, “What’s the subsequent step?” Ultimately, the subsequent step was: file an   enchantment via the state lawyer basic’s workplace. Lauren referred to as, and the primary particular person to choose up the cellphone didn’t have a super-encouraging opening line. 

Lauren Taylor: She was like, properly, I’m certain you missed a deadline. And, um, as an alternative of claiming, I didn’t miss any deadlines as a result of then we’re into her dialog.

I stated, so please inform me extra about how one can enchantment. Proper? As a result of  , she in all probability talks to 100 folks a day and, , folks make every kind of errors and , it’s a giant headache to her, I’m certain. 

Dan: So Lauren didn’t take the bait. She stayed on her agenda… AND AFTER A WHILE, ONCE THE APPEAL WAS REALLY IN MOTION, Lauren seen the identical lady– who was now calling LAUREN with updates, typically greater than as soon as a day–  was singing a special tune. Properly, positively some new phrases.

Lauren Taylor: She was utilizing we language.

Dan: That’s what we like. Yeah, 

Lauren Taylor: proper.  So I used to be like, Oh, that is going very properly. she was like, “we simply have to determine this factor out after which we’ll allow them to know.”

“WE” language. 

OK, that is nice. 

AND it’s like:  Wait, how do I really do that?  Like, within the second?  Like, right here’s Amanda’s query once more:

Amanda Jaffe:  I begin to get indignant to some extent the place perhaps it’s unproductive. So I want some steerage how one can stay cool when calling insurance coverage corporations. 

Dan: YEAH. Me too! Me too. 

And Lauren reframed it. She was like: OK, getting indignant, that’s not an issue, not a mistake. It’s a sense that you just’re having. And it’s a extremely cheap feeling to have.

And she or he says Amanda’s nailing it in saying:  these emotions in all probability aren’t gonna be super-helpful IN this dialog. 

So, you desire a technique. An agenda. A plan. 

Lauren Taylor: In the event you can floor your self in the truth that you’re technique is to stay calm and assured whereas nonetheless being very assertive and protracted.  that may be a technique, it doesn’t imply that it’s a must to really feel nice about what’s occurring. or that you just aren’t upset the way in which that persons are treating you.  it simply implies that as a method, you’re selecting to make use of this persona, this frequent, assured, assertive, persistent persona to try to get what you want.

Dan: So, yeah: You’re gonna be mad. That’s gonna occur. You simply don’t wanna act out these emotions within the dialog. So right here’s the precise ADVICE half: You’re taking these emotions and… 

Lauren Taylor: Do them elsewhere. You, , go for a stroll and pound the pavement. You vent to a buddy. Um, in case you have a automotive, you roll up the home windows and drive on a freeway and scream. Um, you discover, , you discover a place that’s in all probability not alcohol or ice cream too.

Um, To course of these emotions since you don’t need them simply hanging out in you both. That’s not good for you both. 

Dan: Which is to say: It might be sensible to have a plan GOING INTO the dialog about the way you’re take care of these emotions afterwards. Perhaps even make a plan with anyone else.  You recognize… 

Lauren Taylor: Name a buddy or a member of the family who’s in your home and say, I’m going to get on the cellphone with the medical health insurance firm, and we’re going to name you afterwards and vent. Proper. After which, , I’ve a spot for these emotions. It’s not that I’m squashing

Dan: Proper.

Lauren Taylor: There’s a time for that  too. 

Dan: I like that.  However in the meantime, right here I’m IN the dialog, and issues are getting furry, and I’m HAVING A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT IT. 

Not so calm, not so assured, NOT SO CALM. 

Lauren’s like: Proper. Acquired you lined. You need to discover a method that helps you shortly get calm and grounded within the second. She says taking note of her respiration is her go-to, however 

Lauren Taylor: My method of doing it could not be just right for you or her or anyone else. Folks have to seek out what works for them to remain calm and grounded. So only a few concepts. It may be, um, respiration. It may be feeling your toes on the ground. These are my high two, however it additionally could be, , some folks saying a fast prayer helps them.

Dan: She’s bought extra: 

Lauren Taylor: It may be, orienting your self to the room. Like, what are 5 issues I can see or can I discover three blue issues? After which what’s one factor I can hear. What’s the one factor I can really feel, these orienting issues that preserve you very a lot within the current second and likewise let , like, this can be extremely upsetting, however proper now I’m really okay. Proper now on this second, I’m really okay. You recognize, I’m perhaps scared about dropping my medical health insurance. I could also be scared about the place the cash’s going to return from.  However when you can say to your self, like, Oh proper now, I’m sitting in a room in my condo and, um, , My family members are round me or my pets are round me, or I’ve a plan for dinner or I’m going to name a buddy proper now I’m okay. So there’s a number of methods to get current. and I feel that getting current is what may also help this lady and everyone else.

Dan: What I hear you speaking about … Like whenever you say: “get into the current,” it’s like, I’m transferring my consideration. I’m transferring my consideration from this sense that I’m having that desires to take up my total subject of consideration. And I’m form of like reminding myself that there are different issues to present my consideration to. And now that I do know that I may give my consideration to my technique

I feel one factor that actually strikes me about what you’re saying  is … it’s form of reframing   the query. I begin to get indignant to some extent the place perhaps it’s unproductive and I feel the way in which that’s framed, is how do I not have the sensation? That’s how I’m studying the questions. The issue is I get indignant. And what I’m listening to you say is like, not an issue.

Lauren Taylor: Not an issue

Dan: You’re getting indignant.

Lauren Taylor: There are actually good causes to be indignant

Dan: YES! For certain. So what you need isn’t to keep away from getting indignant– it’s simply to keep away from getting uncontrolled. You in all probability ARE going to get mad. So that you need to plan for it.

And to assessment, Lauren’s high two suggestions are:

One: Have a plan for what you’re gonna do with that anger AFTER the decision. How are you going to take care of it? 

And two: Have a few favourite hacks for shortly re-focusing your consideration. To your breath, another sensation, no matter clicks for you.  

You’re in all probability gonna need to WRITE down these methods, observe them, earlier than you get on the cellphone. 

I actually love this. And speaking to Lauren, I noticed:  Being on the cellphone with the insurance coverage firm– or the medical-billing workplace or whoever else within the medical-industrial complicated you’re speaking with– we’ve bought benefits we don’t have in another self-defense conditions:  

One: You’re not in the identical bodily house with that different particular person. They will’t see you scrunch up your face, or gently rub your coronary heart, or pet the cat, or silently depend to 10 whereas they’re speaking.  

Which is completely different from being face-to-face with anyone who might damage you– bodily or emotionally.

And two: You don’t have an ongoing relationship with this specific particular person. It’s not like telling your mother that you just want her to ask your associate to household gatherings. Or telling your colleague to cease making racist jokes. These are relationships which can be going to maintain affecting you. And possibly preserve affecting different relationships. 

Right here, you’re like, WHATEVER, nameless insurance-company particular person. Which doesn’t imply you may act like a jerk to them– that’s not going that can assist you. However you do have an escape hatch. In the event you actually can’t take it any extra with out dropping your cool… you may cling up and name again later, whenever you’re prepared, and inform the subsequent particular person, GEE, I bought disconnected earlier than. 

I inform Lauren this, and he or she’s like

Lauren Taylor: Yeah, I used to be positively pondering, , you may, in case you have, when you’re too crammed up with feeling to be doing one thing that feels helpful, you may completely say, , I can discuss this anymore. I’ll name, name again one other time.

Dan: Oh yeah. Proper. You don’t have to love faux, dropping the decision. You’ll be able to simply say like, wow. I feel I have to, I want a while to digest this. , I’d prefer to name

Lauren Taylor: I’ll name again later.

Dan: YES. I’ll name again later. That’s the place we left issues with Lauren Taylor within the fall of 2020, and it’s all nonetheless super-relevant — as I can attest proper now, with my back-and-forth calls to the hospital and the insurance coverage firm.

One replace: Since we talked, Lauren Taylor has printed a e-book! 

Get Empowered: A Sensible Information to Thrive, Heal, and Embrace Your Confidence in a Sexist World was printed in October 2023, and — though the title means that the e-book targets of us with one X chromosome greater than I occur to have — I’m wanting ahead to studying it.  

We condensed a few of Lauren’s recommendation right into a First Help Equipment publication final 12 months — together with associated suggestions from different superstars.  We’ll put a hyperlink within the present notes — it’s best to have the ability to discover it wherever you’re listening, and you’ll join any of our newsletters at arm and a leg present dot com, slash, publication.

We shall be again in three weeks.  

Until then, maintain your self.

This episode of An Arm and a Leg was produced by me, Dan Weissmann, edited in 2020 by Marian Wang, and for this re-release by Ellen Weiss. 

Emily Pisacreta is our senior producer. Adam Raymonda is our audio wizard.

Gabrielle Healy is our managing editor for viewers — she edits the First Help Equipment publication.

Sarah Ballema is our operations supervisor. Bea Bosco is our consulting director of operations.

An Arm and a Leg is produced in partnership with KFF Well being Information. 

That’s a nationwide newsroom producing in-depth journalism about well being care in America, and a core program at KFF — an unbiased supply of well being coverage analysis, polling, and journalism. 

You’ll be able to study extra about KFF Well being Information at arm and a leg present dot com, slash KFF. 

Zach Dyer is senior audio producer at KFF Well being Information. He’s editorial liaison to this present. 

Due to the INSTITUTE FOR NONPROFIT NEWS for serving as our fiscal sponsor, permitting us to just accept tax-exempt donations. You’ll be able to study extra about INN at I-N-N dot org. 

And because of everyone who helps this present financially.  I’m about to shout out FIFTY individuals who donated within the final dozen days of 2023. You prepared?

Thanks this time to… [names redacted].

Thanks a lot!

“An Arm and a Leg” is a co-production of KFF Well being Information and Public Street Productions.

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