Parodies of Facebook Moms Groups Show Safe Space Issues

When I became a parent in 2018, internet mom groups were just gaining traction. Parents would connect with others around things like sleep deprivation, body image issues, feeding challenges, and more. Groups like these weren’t perfect, but they felt safe and ultimately helped moms like me feel less alone.

Since then, the amount of parenting content on social media has grown exponentially–some providing positive resources, while others largely doing nothing but fostering stressful and divisive opinions. Many social media mom groups have begun to reflect the latter. 

That’s what Abby, who goes by @abbymillenialmom on Instagram realized when she began posting motherhood content on social media after the birth of her daughter.

“We had just moved and I was feeling kind of lonely,” she tells Parents. “I had to leave my job because childcare was just too expensive, and it made more sense for me to stay at home. While I was trying to navigate motherhood and what [it] meant to me, I started posting on TikTok.”

Soon after joining a mom’s group, Abby would realize the experience was not about growing community and connection through shared experience, but rather doling out harsh judgement. 

“I remembered when I first became pregnant with my daughter back in 2020 I joined a pregnancy group, it was one of those due date groups, and I remember seeing a bunch of wacky stuff in there,” says Abby. ”Moms would post the most simple questions and then people would just come over and rip them apart.”

Parenting Parody is Often Good Therapy

Some of the stuff Abby witnessed in the groups inspired her to create video parodies of them. In one video parody, Abby reads a “post” from a mom introducing herself to her new digital community by sharing a photo of herself holding an iced coffee. Then, the “comments” come:

“I’m sorry but I could never spend $7 on one coffee,” one “commenter” says. “Any extra money I have always goes to my children.” 

Abby continues by acting out fellow “commenters” weighing in with their takes on everything from the placement of car seats they can see in the background of the photo (if they zoom in really closely) to the cleanliness of the “original poster’s” car, to the caloric content of the iced coffee.

“A lot of the stuff I do is satirical, it’s exaggerated, but I mix in some truth,” Abby says of her approach to creating these videos. ”I’ll remember posts that moms have posted and I’ll mix in some real responses [along with] some exaggerated responses. I guess I just started doing that to just poke fun at how ridiculous people can be on the Internet with each other.”

In another video parody of Facebook mom groups, Abby pretends to be a mom sharing a toddler snack idea with fellow members of the group.

“Mama, I’m saying this as a fellow mama bear. I need to inform you that there’s actually red dye 40 in the fruit snacks and that you’re probably going to give your child ADHD,” one “group member”  replies. 

“Thank you for shaming us parents who don’t have the time to make these thoughtful snacks for our kids. Thank you for reminding us that you think you’re better than all of us. How about you get off the Internet, stop wasting your time, and get a life?” another adds.

Shrinking Safe Spaces for Parents is No Laughing Matter

These hilarious videos do contain a great balance of exaggeration and truth, poking fun at the ridiculous things people say to parents online. But it’s not all funny: Videos like these point out how few safe spaces parents, especially moms, have.

Parenting is hard and it can feel really isolating: When a parent joins one of these groups, they’re not expecting this level of petty shaming, they’re expecting a judgment-free place to speak with other parents about the life-altering experience of raising humans. 

Despite the things she’s seen online, Abby still believes positive, supportive digital communities for parents are out there–shouting out “small town” Facebook mom groups in particular.

“If they’re smaller, or if there’s a smaller community, [it’s much more supportive]. People are so nice. People can ask whatever questions, there’s no judgment. The only times I’ve seen a lot of negativity is in these massive groups.”

Abby has a point: In a local or small town Facebook group, the likelihood of you coming face-to-face with another parent from the same group at some point is high. On the other hand, many of these online spaces offer people the cover of anonymity, which makes some feel empowered to say some really hurtful, ridiculous stuff.

“People will just get behind a screen and be nasty,” Abby says. “Somebody would never come up to me and say ‘I think you’re a terrible mom’ to my face. But if you’re behind a screen, you don’t see the hurt, you don’t see the shock on my face. It’s not as personal.”

While these videos are obviously parodies, they do shed some light on the need to turn down the judgement and turn up the empathy in these online safe spaces for parents.