Mom Allows All Her Kids To Blow Out Birthday Candles

It’s a situation many parents have been in: it’s a birthday party but the child celebrating isn’t the only one who gets to blow out the candles. 

Popular TikTok mom, Cecily Bauchmann, recently sparked controversy online after allowing all of her kids to blow out the candles on her 11-year-old daughter’s birthday cake.

The video appears to have been taken down but not before it sparked reaction clips. In it, the birthday girl can be seen blowing out her candles. Her younger sister quickly gets upset, which results in their mom relighting the candles for her to also blow out. The mom repeats the process for her other two children so that none of them feel left out. 

One reaction video has gone viral with more than 7 million views, with the TikToker saying the daughter should’ve had her moment. Many of the commenters agreed and were bothered by the fact that the 11-year-old’s special moment was taken away. Some said the mom should’ve simply told her other kids “no.” 

Others have been more sympathetic, insisting that she had no choice because her youngest daughter was throwing a tantrum. Some commenters also recalled growing up in a household where every sibling would blow out the candles as a family tradition, allowing everyone to share the special occasion.

To be fair, the mom did make her daughter’s birthday special. In another video, she showed all the preparations that went into the party and the festive decorations she hung up to celebrate. But it can be tough for parents to know how to handle other kids wanting to blow out birthday candles too. Experts say there are ups and downs to this tricky birthday moment but also ways to navigate it. 

Pros and Cons of the Birthday Candle Battle

Should kids be allowed to have their special moment? Joshua Terhune, MA, LMHC, an Indianapolis-based therapist who works with adults, adolescents, and children, says yes, pointing to the “internal working model of attachment,” or how we develop mental representations of ourselves, others, and our relationships.

“We learn this through our experiences,” says Terhune. “So, for the birthday kid, they may learn to become a people-pleaser. I’ve worked with many people who have learned to gain approval and acceptance from others by neglecting their own needs in service of others.”

For Sophie Cress, LFMT, based in North Carolina, there’s a positive spin. The mom allowing all of her children to blow out their birthday candles teaches them about inclusivity and sharing important occasions with their family.

“It promotes a sense of community and collaborative celebration, with no one left out,” argues Cress.

This can teach children about empathy and that happiness can be shared without diminishing it. “It emphasizes the value of togetherness and helps improve sibling bonds by teaching kids that family gatherings are about mutual delight and love,” says Cress.

When every kid participates in blowing out the candles, adds Cress, their self-esteem and sense of belonging can improve. It makes each youngster feel involved and valued during the celebration, eliminating feelings of jealousy or competition.

“Psychologically, it supports the notion that family is a helpful and inclusive unit in which everyone’s pleasure is valued,” adds Cress. “This can help to create a more peaceful and cooperative family atmosphere in which sharing and communal joy are valued.”

What’s more, it demonstrates that the parent’s top priority is to make all children feel loved and included, which can promote a sense of security and well-being. 

On the flip side, Terhune says it’s important to teach our children frustration tolerance, that it’s important to let others feel special as well, and that it doesn’t diminish our light.

“For the children who were allowed to blow out the candles, it may set up the expectation that they cannot tolerate their big feelings and have difficulty with self-regulation and impulsivity,” notes Terhune, who adds kids may also begin to expect to blow out candles at friends’ birthday parties too. 

How Parents Can Handle This Common Birthday Battle

No matter where you stand on the subject, there are some ways parents can navigate this type of tricky situation. Firstly don’t feel bad—it’s totally normal for a kid to want to blow out their sibling’s birthday candles. 

“The child in the video seems to be at a stage in their moral development where they are focused on their own self-interest,” says Terhune. “They were having a totally normal response.”

It’s important to tolerate the child’s big feelings and let them vent them out. “You can give them a space to cry it out while the birthday kid can celebrate their special moment,” says Terhune. You can also validate their feelings. 

An alternative option is to distract them with something else interesting going on or asking for their help with something. And if you want to make your other child feel special, that’s OK too. But Terhune suggests parents find a creative way to help them feel special as well without taking away from the birthday child.