How Reparenting Yourself Can Make You a Better Caregiver

Even though we’re adults, there’s still a child inside us. One who may have experienced tough things earlier in life.

For some people, these difficult situations have caused our inner child to carry unhealed wounds that stick around into adulthood. This can go relatively unnoticed until we have kids, as becoming a parent tends to remind us of our childhood and the burdens that might’ve come along with it.

Whether your unhealed wounds are gaping or relatively minor, reparenting yourself can be a helpful way to move past old hurts and grow into the adult—and parent—you were meant to be. In turn, this can ensure a healthier and happier childhood for your kids, too. 

In this article, you’ll learn how to embark on your own journey to reparenting yourself as an adult.

What Is Reparenting?

Reparenting yourself means taking on the role of a loving, nurturing parent for your own inner child—the part of you that holds your early experiences, emotions, and unmet needs from childhood, says Leigh W. Hart, author of the book series Heal, Grow, & Thrive.

At the heart of reparenting is the notion that we’re now able to look back and heal any parts of ourselves that need it, like past traumas or self-limiting beliefs.

Reparenting is not about blaming your parents or dwelling on the past, says Hart. Rather, “it’s about empowering yourself in the present to become a loving and wise caregiver for your inner child. This practice can help you break free from old patterns that no longer serve you, allowing you to live a more fulfilling and authentic life.” 

Reparenting Yourself as a Parent

Tending to your inner child—whether it’s wounded or just needs a bit of attention—can help you become the healthiest parent for your children.

If you haven’t been able to internalize the caring, support, and guidance needed to handle adult life, you may struggle when things become more complicated, says Lindsay Gibson, PsyD, clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, and author of Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents.

In other words, if you grew up with emotionally inadequate parents, you might encounter situations where you don’t know what to do as you enter parenthood yourelf, says Gibson. You might get emotionally overwhelmed or feel negative about yourself. This is where reparenting can be truly helpful.

Who Might Try Reparenting? 

If you experienced any sort of trauma, child abuse, betrayal, neglect, or abandonment during childhood, there’s a good chance you still need to heal from these experiences. And that’s nothing to be ashamed about! The best part is that it’s not too late to do the work of reparenting yourself so you can break the cycle and raise your kids to be emotionally healthy humans.

“These difficult early experiences can leave deep wounds that continue to affect your emotional health, relationships, and parenting style,” says Hart. “When we carry unresolved trauma or unmet needs from our childhood into adulthood, it can manifest in how we respond to stress, how we connect with others, and how we raise our children.”

Benefits of Reparenting Yourself

Reparenting has multiple benefits for parents, like promoting self-compassion, healing wounds from past traumas, improving emotional regulation skills, fostering stronger relationships, teaching how to set boundaries, and more. We broke down a few more benefits of reparenting below.

It helps you become a better parent

The obvious benefit of reparenting yourself is the emotional advantage to your children. Kids are super observant, which means they might pick up on our struggles and notice when we’re not able to fully show up for them in a healthy way. “Reparenting improves relationships between parents and their children by fostering deeper emotional connection, empathy, and understanding,” says Hart.

It increases self-awareness

“When parents engage in reparenting, they become more aware of their own emotional triggers and unresolved issues,” says Hart. “This self-awareness allows them to respond to their children’s needs with greater patience and compassion, rather than reacting from a place of unresolved pain or frustration.”

It contributes to happiness and fulfillment

According to Gibson, “Reparenting yourself can help break old patterns of negativity, which can lead to greater emotional understanding in your own life.” This is a form of self-care that ensures you’re happy and fulfilled. After all, parents aren’t solely defined by their children. 

Tips for Reparenting 

If you’ve experienced difficult situations in life, there are numerous ways to resolve the hurt and trauma that might still exist inside you. Some parents seek individual or group counseling to process these unhealed emotions. For others, picking up a new hobby or practicing mindfulness can be helpful.

Below, we’ve listed several other strategies that will let you begin the process of reparenting yourself. 

Adopt a compassionate inner voice. You can learn to cultivate this calming, kind, and compassionate attitude toward these frightened parts of yourself, says Gibson. “This can be hard for people to do, because they’ve been trained to feel ashamed of their fear and abandonment. It’s about identifying these ‘scary’ feelings and sitting with them, as you would a little child, instead of forcing yourself to stuff them away and avoid them.” 

Break things down into simpler parts. If you’re facing a particularly difficult issue, try breaking it down into much smaller parts, says Gibson. That way, you can begin to feel a sense of accomplishment that you might miss out on if you continuously try to tackle large tasks and fail, which can cause you to seem “stuck.”

Set boundaries. “Learn to set and maintain boundaries that protect your emotional and mental health,” advises Hart. “This involves recognizing your limits and communicating them clearly in your relationships.”

Develop emotional regulation skills. Hart suggests things like mindfulness practices, deep breathing exercises, or meditation to help recognize and process your emotions. “Emotional regulation helps you to respond to stress and challenges more calmly, reducing the likelihood of reacting from a place of old childhood wounds,” she says. 

Engage in inner child work: “Spend time reconnecting with your inner child through visualization exercises, creative activities, or writing letters to your younger self,” says Hart. “This practice helps you to address unmet needs and offer the love and support your inner child may have missed out on.”

Practice self-care “Engage in self-care activities that nurture your emotional and physical well-being. This could include regular exercise, journaling to process emotions, or setting aside quiet time for reflection,” says Hart.